Beng’s Fastest Speed Of Sex

One day, Ah Beng meets his good friend, Ah Ngau at Kopitiam. Ah Ngau read from a magazine saying that:

What animal has sex the fastest?

The hermit crab mates outside its shell. The male and female must leave their shells to do this, and in one species, they accomplish the activity in far less than one second. Video that is not enhanced to capture more rapid events cannot “catch them in the act” because they are so fast.

With full curiosity Ah Ngau asked : Eh Beng … what is the fastest speed for human sex ever recorded ar? Guiness book or rekod got say anot?

Ah Beng : Diu! That one no nid refer Guiness book of world rekod I also know the answer la!

Ah Ngau : Ah?? Sure boh? You abit gong gong lidt suddenly so cleber one meh?

Ah Beng : Farkiu la! I not gong kia ok? This is call pretend pig eat tiger u no?!!

Ah Ngau : Ok la ok la … then u tell me what is the fastest speed for human sex ever recorded la!

Ah Beng : Aiyo this one very easy la! Its 68km/h lor!

Ah Ngau : Har? Apasal 68km/h? Why not 100km/h? Or 200km/h?

Ah Beng : Niahma! Say u no sexperience u dun briff! Max speed for sex is 68km/h oni la! When u reach 69 then u kena “turn around” oledi!

Ah Ngau : Wuahahahahahaha!!!! Farkiu la!

Missing Husband Report

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:

Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: Suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him………????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together….

And the lady started crying…..

Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first……..!!!!

Ah Beng Make Perfect Sentence With Numbers

Ah Beng was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did itagain from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with…..
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don’t understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.

Ah Beng and Ah Lian before marry

See how Ah Lian turn down unwanted Ah Beng before they get married. Very funny conversation.

Ah Beng : Can I buy you a drink?
Ah Lian : Actually I’d rather have the money..

Ah Beng : Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Ah Lian : Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice

Ah Beng : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
Ah Lian : Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.

Ah Beng : Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out.
Ah Lian : Okay, get out.

Ah Beng : I think I could make you very happy.
Ah Lian : Why? Are you leaving?

Ah Beng : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Ah Lian : Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

Ah Beng : Can I have your name?
Ah Lian : Why? Don’t you already have one?

Ah Beng : Where have you been all my life?
Ah Lian : Hiding from you.

Ah Beng : Haven’t I seen you some place before?
Ah Lian : Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Ah Beng : Is this seat empty?
Ah Lian : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Ah Beng : If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Ah Lian : If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.