1 Day Trip 2 Sabak Bernam, Selangor

Birthday Stars

There Is Once A Dummy Called Ah Beng…

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his phone book: “My mobile number has changed. Previously it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″

Ah Beng : I am very proud because my son Ah Boy is in International Medical University .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
Dr.: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Ah Lian: No! I”ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I”ll also stay with your sister.

Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Ah Lian: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Fisherman”s Wharf at Taman Desa last night, everybody said,”Oh GOD! You come again.”

Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.”
Police: “It is strange, why the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “Oh, I was watching ManU vs Selangor last night, so… ”

Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying “Parking Fine”
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole: “Thanks for complement.”

How do you recognize Ah Beng’s son Ah Boy in school?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so.
Ah Beng replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Ah Lian: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Boy : The future tense is “you will go to jail”.

Ah Beng told his maid: “Go and water the plants!”
Maid: “It”s already raining.”
Ah Beng: “So what? Take umbrella and go.”

A man asked Ah Beng why Najib goes walking in the evening and not in the morning.
Ah Beng replied: “Najib is PM not AM!”

Beng’s Fastest Speed Of Sex

One day, Ah Beng meets his good friend, Ah Ngau at Kopitiam. Ah Ngau read from a magazine saying that:

What animal has sex the fastest?

The hermit crab mates outside its shell. The male and female must leave their shells to do this, and in one species, they accomplish the activity in far less than one second. Video that is not enhanced to capture more rapid events cannot “catch them in the act” because they are so fast.

With full curiosity Ah Ngau asked : Eh Beng … what is the fastest speed for human sex ever recorded ar? Guiness book or rekod got say anot?

Ah Beng : Diu! That one no nid refer Guiness book of world rekod I also know the answer la!

Ah Ngau : Ah?? Sure boh? You abit gong gong lidt suddenly so cleber one meh?

Ah Beng : Farkiu la! I not gong kia ok? This is call pretend pig eat tiger u no?!!

Ah Ngau : Ok la ok la … then u tell me what is the fastest speed for human sex ever recorded la!

Ah Beng : Aiyo this one very easy la! Its 68km/h lor!

Ah Ngau : Har? Apasal 68km/h? Why not 100km/h? Or 200km/h?

Ah Beng : Niahma! Say u no sexperience u dun briff! Max speed for sex is 68km/h oni la! When u reach 69 then u kena “turn around” oledi!

Ah Ngau : Wuahahahahahaha!!!! Farkiu la!

Missing Husband Report

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:

Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: Suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him………????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together….

And the lady started crying…..

Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first……..!!!!

Ah Beng Make Perfect Sentence With Numbers

Ah Beng was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did itagain from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with…..
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don’t understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.

Ah Beng and Ah Lian before marry

See how Ah Lian turn down unwanted Ah Beng before they get married. Very funny conversation.

Ah Beng : Can I buy you a drink?
Ah Lian : Actually I’d rather have the money..

Ah Beng : Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Ah Lian : Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice

Ah Beng : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
Ah Lian : Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.

Ah Beng : Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out.
Ah Lian : Okay, get out.

Ah Beng : I think I could make you very happy.
Ah Lian : Why? Are you leaving?

Ah Beng : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Ah Lian : Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

Ah Beng : Can I have your name?
Ah Lian : Why? Don’t you already have one?

Ah Beng : Where have you been all my life?
Ah Lian : Hiding from you.

Ah Beng : Haven’t I seen you some place before?
Ah Lian : Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Ah Beng : Is this seat empty?
Ah Lian : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Ah Beng : If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Ah Lian : If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

2nd Point Of View ( CAN I GET A1 BY WRITTING THIS ESSAY ??? )

                                   Hantu Essay

The following are the Hantu  Essay content, pls enjoy......

            Pada malam itu, ibu bapa saya tiada di rumah. Saya tinggal di rumah seorang diri. Saya berasa sangat takut.

           Tiba-tiba, saya mendangar suara orang menetok pintu. Saya sangat takut. Saya pun membuka pintu.Tiba-tiba saya terlihat seekor hantu. Hantu itu memandang saya. Saya sangat takut, lalu menutup pintu..

         Selepas itu pintu saya diketuk lagi. Saya lagi takut. Saya pergi buka pintu. Hantu tadi masih ada disitu. Hantu itu memandang saya. Saya sangat takut, lalu menutup pintu.

        Selepas itu pintu saya diketuk lagi. Saya sangat takut, lalu saya pergi buka pintu. Hantu itu sangat takut. Saya pun menutup pintu kerana saya sangat takut.

       Selepas itu, ibu dan bapa saya balik. Hantu itu sudah tiada. Saya sangat gembira. Ibu saya memeluk saya. Dia sangat gembira. HANTU ITU GEMBIRA JUGAKAH?

SPM !!!

SPM COMING !!!! Might not be updating my blog 4 few weeks.